my friends are home for the holidays but so far nothing has been going right. they treat me like shit and keep blowing off our plans like its nothing. well when i make plans i want people to follow through with them especially if theyre the ones to make them. not only that but they expect me to drop things at the drop of a hat. well it doesnt work like that. i have work and other commitments that i cant just not tend to because they feel that i need to, life's not like that. so tough. DEAL!

not only that but everything for me lately just hasnt been going right at all. school isnt what i expected from it and i dont think im doing all that well. work is just another pain in the ass. i get too many hours so that when it comes to school work im too tired to do anything or not in the mood to. i just wish that it would all work itself out. and on top of all of that i feel like im loosing myself again. before my friends came home i havent really been out of my house to do nething but go to school and work. i have no social life. or relationships. which bites. cuz everytime i seem to get into one they never work out, but i always seem to go back and try again. just this time i dunno i feel like whats the point anymore? you know. that and we won't go into the complications of my past relationships and those feelings all together for the sake of everyone.

just know this, that i haven't been happy in a while and i can't remember the last time i truly was. a time where i was glowing. it just doesn't exist anymore. unfortunately.

as always i look to the negative just right now i feel that there is no positive to look at. not even hockey really does it for me anymore. i no longer have something, even something little that brings joy into my life. it seems like those lingering thoughts have been swept up by the wind and carried away when my head was turned.

don't worry about me. i've cried enough. all that was needed was a place to express myself even if no one comments or says anything. at least i have been able to get it out.

-inevitably yours.